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Mental Health

When an Unstoppabale Force meets an Immovable Object: Ambition Vs Anxiety

Earlier this week a letter by Einstein was auctioned off for $1.5 million. Its contents included his take on success and happiness:

“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness”.

This comment got the media’s attention. But it also got mine. It reminded me of an experience in April where I was caught in an emotional maelstrom that got me questioning success and happiness. The trigger? Well to anyone “normal”, here’s the anti-climax. I received an amazing job offer that would catapult my career into an infinite realm of opportunities. But when I got the offer my stomach turned, I thought I would projectile all over my desk. 

I agonised over the decision about whether to take the job. Therapy, gym, confiding in friends, drawing up a pros and cons list; not one iota of anxiety budged. I came out of it feeling pathetic and frustrated at myself. Now that I have had time to reflect, I realise that I was experiencing the  collision between my ambition and anxiety; two diametrically opposite but POWERFUL forces. One is driven by a desire to excel, the other coloured by a crippling fear. It was such a potent feeling that I wondered just how familiar it had been to others with mental health issues. So read on if you relate!

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All, Mental Health

Dark Passenger Part 2: Acknowledging my past

If Part One of my story leads you to say “This girl needs to chill out”, I hear you, but it’s not in my veins to chill out. Why? Well since that crunch moment, I have done an in-depth post-mortem of my past, to trace the roots of my breakdown.

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Mental Health

Dark Passenger Part 1: My Break Point

The first in a four-part post about my battle with depression. Part One: That crunch moment where I came face to face with my illness.

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